Sunday, July 12, 2009

The circle of freedom ...

A couple of rain drops through the window woke him up. The train was approaching his native town. It just started to rain outside and was quite chilly too. His hands went to his left pocket where he used to keep the cigarettes. But suddenly he realized that he already said a good bye to his dear companion. A month ago on a rainy evening he had his last puff along with his last peg.

He looked at his mobile to check time; it was approaching 7 in the morning. He saw two missed calls too, but don’t feel like calling her back. Something was wrong somewhere. His mind seemed more confused. His whole life was in search of answers. But when he seemed to reach close to the answers, some where he missed out the questions. He was never bothered about the paycheck or the promotion like many of his colleagues. He cannot be so normal; at least he believed so. He always believed that he was not just another normal guy, but one sent out here for a purpose. He thought someday he is going to change the world. He was always aware of a void around him, a lot of empty spaces. Always there was a feeling of imbalance. He wished to fill the spaces, make things in order. But he never did or he never could. All he managed is to stretch his head and have a look at the world from his arm chair, thinking and sympathizing about it. He could never get out from his thoughts and never from that armchair.

But somewhere inside him there was a one who liked challenges. He quit smoking just because of an old man who came in the Discovery channel one day. He told it’s impossible for a smoker to quit it completely. He thought the old man was challenging him. He went a step ahead and said alvida to drinks also. It was difficult to resist the temptation. But it gave him the feel of a challenge, which he was winning. He knew that as long as he can manage to resist that urge, he can at least feel a success within him...But now its almost a month. He needs something more to keep his spirit going, some fresh challenges. He was realizing that he cannot always keep himself away from the empty spaces. The spaces were taking the shape of a monster, enlarging in size and about to swallow him. He finds it hard to breath. But he was chained to a rod and his movement was always inside its parameter. Its one thing to challenge and win over yourself, but he wish to go beyond. He wished to break the chain, he wished freedom. But suddenly he felt some mist is covering him, he felt helpless and weak. He felt the chain is tightening on him on his every attempt to free him from it. There were a lot of people around, laughing at him. He preferred to close the eyes.

He woke up as the train stopped at the station. Giving a break to the thoughts he get down and started walking slowly to the exit. He was walking as if in a dream. Suddenly he noticed two little children walking in front of him. The elder one was about twelve years old and the younger one was about five. He saw those sisters many times in the train, singing those old Hindi songs for the changes that the passengers will throw to them. The little one was talking nonstop to her elder sister and a smile was never out of her little face. The elder one was in a sort of deep thought and occasionally was nodding her head as a response to the little ones questions. Watching the innocent children he also started to feel a bit lighter.

Suddenly the little one hit her head in a pillar. She started to look at her sister first and started to cry. The elder one was more tensed now; she looked around and then scolded the little one. Nobody in the station was watching them. Everyone seemed busy and was walking past them, never giving a gaze to those sisters. He felt sorry for the little one. He wanted to console her, do something to bring that smile back. His mind was telling him excuses for why he should not do it as he just stood there watching the elder sister taking younger one out of the station. He felt a lot of noise inside him, the noises of discussions and debates inside his mind. The noise was telling him that its none of his business. The sound was hard and sharp as usual. He felt the noise as deafening now. He closed his ears with his hands and finally opened his eyes. He could see a glimpse of light. Neglecting the words coming out of the noise from inside, he moved towards the light.

He bought a couple of oranges from a shop nearby and walked out of the station. He could see the sisters walking through the road outside and the small one was still weeping. He walked briskly towards them, handed the orange to the little one and gave her a smile. Suddenly there was a light on her face, that sweet innocent smile came back. The elder one was even brighter and surprised. He never told anything to them but just a smile. But it was enough. The little girls must be feeling now that there is someone in this big world to give them a smile, a token of love.
As he was walking passed them he felt that the light was spreading out from those little girls. He felt it was removing the darkness that was around him a while ago. He knew he was still a prisoner of chains and was still inside the circle drawn by them. But now he was relaxed, now his mind is clear, he seemed to find the questions and its answers. He was realizing the beauty of life; he was realizing that inside the circle, he still is a free man...